I’m sure you’ve heard people say “It’s going to be okay, you will find someone.” or “you deserve someone so much better.” or “just be single and the right person will come your way at the right time.”
I am not here to say any of those. Instead, I want to encourage you that being single is one of the greatest things- [says the girl with the ring on her finger] if you use your singleness wisely.
Throughout my four years of high school, it seemed like I was always “talking” to someone. Sometimes I would talk to a guy for two weeks or sometimes a couple months. Looking back, I realized that it didn’t last for many, many reasons: I was settling, I wasn’t ready (emotionally or spiritually), my heart wasn’t in the right place, and I wasn’t even sure what my intentions were.
So please know that as you read this blog, I’m not trying to act like I know everything because I’m still learning, but I have been down that road before, and hope this blog post will be comforting if you are in a season of singleness or heart ache.
So, back to my question: “Why is singleness the greatest things?”
Just because you’re lonely, doesn’t mean you’re alone.
This is something that Jesus had to break me to remind me, and it was one of one of the scariest lessons He taught me. As I mentioned before, in high school (and even seasons in college) there was always a guy that I was “talking to.” The older I got, the more I realized I was doing it for selfish reasons- to make myself feel loved, adored, wanted, and beautiful…the list could go on. It got to the point where it wasn’t fulfilling, so long story short, after a two week relationship my sophomore year in college, I made a promise to myself: I would no longer settle & the next person that came into my life would be the last person I dated. For five long months I spent time watching all my roommates and everyone around me date. It was frustrating and lonely at times, and yes, I felt jealousy creeping in. But thats when I cracked opened my Bible. I spent so much time in the word and falling more in love Jesus, aka the real BAE. I spent time praying– asking for a peaceful heart & to find my identity in Him. It wasn’t easy. Every day I had to remind myself WHY I was waiting. I am so thankful that Jesus knows us better than we know ourselves.
“Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart, and do NOT lean on YOUR own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM, and he WILL make straight your paths.” // Proverbs 3:5-6
You are NEVER alone when you have Jesus and He is waiting for you to put your trust in Him- He’s got your back. He knows who you need in your life and WHEN you need them.
Being single allows you to spend intentional time with Jesus. During my time of singleness (before John came into my life), my heart was craving to be loved. And I only received that love from Jesus. The more I read my Bible and spent time with Christ, the more I began to figure out what I was passionate about. I began to figure out more about myself, who I was, the type of woman I was called to be, and I began to feel confident in who Christ was molding me to be. Jesus set my heart on fire for HIM and to love His people better. Maybe you don’t know WHO you are or WHAT you’re suppose to do- tonight, I want to encourage you to pray.
Turn off all distractions and spend time tonight talking to God- ask Him what He wants you to do & tell Him you want to follow Him, but only do this if you’re willing to take the risk. Make a list of all the things that you’re passionate, of all the people who influence you, the things you feel like God wants you to do, you dreams, your goals and your desires. Continue to pray over the list and make sure they are God driven and will strengthen your relationship with Christ.
“Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.”// Hebrews 3:1
YOU have a heavenly calling & I pray that during your singleness, Jesus will use this time to grow you, lead you, direct your steps, and draw you near to Him so you may experience His righteousness and the blessings He has for your future.
God is preparing your heart. I truly believe that God uses singleness to humble our hearts and bring us closer to HIM. God isolates us from all distractions so we can put our focus on Him. When I reflect on the relationships in the past that failed, they were taking me away from my relationship with God. Although I didn’t know Jesus then, they didn’t last because they were not bringing me closer to Christ or glorifying Him. It was a tough realization, but I knew that a man of God wouldn’t leave me broken hearted, hurt, making me feel bad about myself, or insecure about who I was.
Ladies, I cannot stress enough how important it is to wait. YOU are worth it. I don’t know what you have been told or how you’ve been treated in past relationships, how you grew up, what your parent’s marriage was like, or how broken and unloved you may feel- to THE MOST HIGH, ______ (insert your name) are worth the blood of Christ, the pain, the sacrifice- all of it.
A BOY will make you feel like you have to do something you are uncomfortable with, you have to change yourself to be loved, will only tell you what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear, will take you away from your family and friends, will not allow you to grow as a person, will go to church with you because they feel like they have to, not because they want to.
A MAN of God will make you feel like you are treasured because you ARE the daughter of the One True King, point you back to the Cross on your good days and bad days, fight for you and the relationship and will not give up just because life gets hard, will pray for you AND with you, will spend time with your family and friends [because they are important to you], spend time in the Word rather than in the world, have a community of friends that support and encourage y’all, see you through Christ’s eyes, encourage + support you, challenge you, grow you, and push you closer to Jesus. THIS MAN IS WORTH THE WAIT. Do not settle for a boy. You are worth more, sista.
So this is my prayer for all my single ladies (almost started to sing Beyonce and I hope you did too) —
Tonight I lift up all my sisters, if they are going through a period of loneliness, I pray for comfort. I pray that they will run after you Jesus and that they won’t look back. I pray that their hearts will thirst to know you know You more. I pray that You mute any negative thought from the enemy and take away every & any thought that tells them they aren’t good enough. God, I pray you give them a hope and a vision. I pray that when they look in the mirror that they see themselves through your eyes. God, you love your daughters and I pray that they will love themselves too, despite their flaws and imperfections. I pray that they won’t need a guy to feel beautiful, loved, good enough, etc- but that they will experience who YOU are & be overwhelmed by your perfect, unconditional love. Take away the things that take them away from You. Clear any distractions from their hearts and minds and allow them to pursue You, fall in love with You, and get to know You God-not just Your name, but everything about You. I pray for their future, that You will pour out blessings to them. May they be receptive to Your blessings & to the plans that you have for them– even if Your plans look different from them. Lastly, I pray for their future husband. I pray that he will be more in love with You than he is with them. Why? Because YOU are so much better than this world, what it has to offer. I pray that You will bless these ladies (in your perfect timing) with a man who is so in love with YOU, a man who will push ______ (insert your name again) closer to YOU each day, and a man who they can chase after You. I pray ALL of these things in Your holy & precious name, amen.