I get a lot of questions asking about my dream job & if I want to do photography full-time. I’ve been wrestling a lot with this for the past year or so and feel like I have clarity from God. The short answer [for now] is no, I do not want to do photography full-time. There are a lot of reasons, but the biggest is that I’ve struggle with making my business, my identity. I found myself stressing over growing my business to make more money so my husband will be proud of me and so I will feel like I’m worthy, I’ve stressed over having the perfect Instagram feed in order to be known and liked by others, and I’ve been stressing working my butt off trying to prove myself to others and make others proud.
The start of 2018 was off to a rocky start. John and I were traveling a lot and enjoyed quality time with family and connecting with people all over the globe. After returning back to Austin from our trips, the two of us got sick with the flu. This put me behind on my photography bizz and had to reschedule shoots. I didn’t start getting back into paid sessions until the beginning of March. I immediately hit the ground running in March all the way until the end of April. I was booking shoots early in the morning before my day job, taking lunch breaks to shoot, and spending the evenings doing sessions and spending hours editing. I ended Memorial Day weekend shooting three weddings. And although it has been a joy and a pleasure to work alongside some incredible people, I have overworked myself to the ground.
The past two months Jesus has been revealing to myself how prideful I really am. I take pride in what people say and as my business grows and evolves. Bleh. Gross. WHY DO I DO THIS? I have been in a funky season just feeling really empty and unfulfilled. And reason being is because I’ve spent more time trying to grow my business instead of growing my relationship with Jesus. I’ve put my worth in how much I make, instead of how Jesus sacrificed His LIFE for me. I’ve spent more time consumed by Instagram, people’s approval, and getting more clients than I have spent reading God’s word, praying, and just talking to Jesus. I’ve been consumed by things that haven’t been fulfilling.
Now, I love photography. And I believe God has instilled this passion as a way to worship, see, and share Him with those I encounter. When I’m photographing people, I get a glimpse of how beautiful they are- skin deep. I get to hear their story, learn more about them, laugh a lot, and love on them. And I also get a tiny glimpse of how God sees them, which is such a treat. God has used my photography as a way to reach people I would have never met, to care for them, give them some extra lovings, and encourage them.
Jesus has been teaching that it’s all about balance and in this season, it looks like pulling back a little bit from my photography bizz and giving myself time to breathe and hang with my community and spend time with Jesus. Will I still be doing photography? Yes. But in this season it just looks a little different. I’m working on building more YouTube Content for y’all, working on launching my mobile presets, and shooting some fun creative + fun Instagram for you guys.
So, I don’t necessarily know what’s next. I do know that I love photography, connecting and encouraging others, learning and sharing people’s stories. I’m excited for this next adventure and can’t wait to see what adventure God takes me on next!